Can't Take That Away....

They can say anything they wan't to say, trying to bring me down but I will not allow anyone to succeed hanging clouds over me, and they can try how to make me feel that I, don't matter at all but I refuse to falter in what I believe or loose faith in my dreams. Cause there's a light in me, that shines brightly. They can try but they can't take that away from me.

They can do anything they want to you, if you let them in but they won't never win, if you cling to your pride and push them aside. See, I have learned, there's an inner peace I own, something in my soul that they can not possess. So, I won't be afraid and the darkness will fade.

They can say anything they want to say, try to bring me down but I won't face the ground, I will rise steadily sailing out of their reach, Although they do try, how to make me feel that I, don't matter at all but I refuse to fall, tell me what I believe or loose faith in my dreams, cause there's a light in me that shines brightly...

For those who dream to see me fall and trying to bring me down, just think twice. I am not easily fall and surrender. Well, if I fall and I will get up again. 

I will be your friend and I will be your nightmares. I can be your supporters. The best ever you ever had. I will be your friend in sadness, in depression, in loss and so on. I will be a shoulder to cry on if you just let me. I can be your friend to rely on. 

When I have lost faith in you my friend, I don't want to be anything. I will be looking at you. Just looking how great you are. How succeed your are. How glory you are. How better you are without me. I just make a nice smile and walk away. :)

FRIENDS

I keep make a funny face, serious face, blur face, happy face but I hardly can't make a sad face. Deep inside me, I just want to get out from this life. But, who can I be? Where would I go? Sometimes, I feel I want to e be somewhere else, where I can make a new life, a new friends, and a new "me". It is not I hate my life but something make me feel that way.

I always bring a fake smile in my face. Sometimes, people can't recognize whether I'm happy or I'm sad. But, it's time for me to move on. Leave all the sadness behind and bring the joy ahead. Praise to Allah, I still have a good friends who fight a world with me. Even I still want to be somewhere else but I feel relief, this friend is a remarkable friends that I've ever met.

Thank you for being my friend. For being there for me.

List of my friends :

  My Ex housemate.. 

 Sailor "Eve", Sailor "Ida", Sailor "Noureez"

My housemate..

        

Cinder Ackles and Snow Lynn

My Officemate (warrior princess)

RAIN....

Rain!. Definitely the raining season right now. It's hard to go anywhere when it's rain. But one thing for sure, I kinda like a rainy season. It makes me feel like cold and heartless..hhhaah... just kidding!. It make me feel like cold, cozy and my body not sweating much on the rainy season. But hard for me to go anyway when rainy season. I wonder how it's feel when have no transportation and have to walked in this season!

Back to the good old days. When my brother and I was a little kid. I think I was 12 and my brother was 8 years old. We deliberated waiting for the rainy season for enjoyed our natural swimming pool, "flood".

Hahaha... It just to wait only one night of heavy rains and tomorrow, we will enjoying our natural swimming pool. It nice to have all of our friends swimming around the house. One minute at my house and next to my neighbour's house. 

I'm older enough to do all that silly thing when I was a kid. But, if I can pretend I was a kid, maybe I can do all the silly thing but it's not feel the same. The place was not the same, the people was not the same. It just in my memories remain there but in reality, It's not feel the same way again!.  

Now, it's rain again. Make me feel so cold and comfort. Here I am, sitting in front of the window, waiting for something might be happen. A miracles perhaps.  :)

CONFESSION

Right there beside the window, at my desk I sat 

Right there beside the wall, I lay down on my bed

Right there along the side walk, I walk with my friends

And there were times thoughts swirl in my mind

Falling down ceaselessly like drops of heavy rain. 

    

     Blinking in the darkness, trying to find a way

     Guilt written in my shadow

     Extending my hands, I reach for truth in the lights

     Why didn't it come to me eternities before?

            Looking at the hopeless reflections in my eyes

            Looking for the signs of forgiveness

            Looking at the specks of anger

            Looking for a flicker of forgiveness

            Looking at that set mouth

            Looking for the smile of forgiveness.

In your eyes, I am a fleck of snow

There are still thousands like me

I am cold, I have no feelings, I am hollow

You can brush me off when I land on your shoulder

You can step on me without caring if I'm hurt

And then I'll melt away into nothing, like winter.

     What's in your heart, I wonder?

     Where is your courage, I wonder?

     What do you think of me, I wonder?

     What are their perceptions of me, I wonder?

     Do you think I'm a fool, I wonder?

     Do I appeared to be a fool, I wonder?

     Did you have a good time, I wonder?

     Where is the respect that I deserve, I wonder.

             Stop giving me hints, I'm not dumb

             What are you thinking, lead me to the truth

             And hoping I'll solve the puzzle, put an end to the matter

             And relieve you of your responsibilities?

             Don't try to make me a puppet under your thumb

             I said stop giving hints, I don't yearn for you and I'm not dumb!

You shouldn't have bothered in the first place

Then I wouldn't have to worry about your feelings

I wouldn't wonder if there's something wrong that I did

I wouldn't feel guilty of the way you're being treated

Did you know how these things plagued my mind

All the unnecessary time and energy it claimed

Do you know how much you could've spare me if you confessed

When I've got so much more to think about other than the

feelings of someone who doesn't care?

          You know, it's not that I like you so much that it hurts so bad

          Come on, the fool that I may be, I'm not that stupid to give all of my heart so easily

          But because of the trust you betrayed

          I had held the faith that if things go wrong we'll put it right the way we should

          I had held the faith that you will be honest with me

          I had held the faith that you are different

          That whatever decision made it's a matter of two person

          Not a person... and a fleck of snow.

We don't die because there's no love, we die because there's no hope. I had hoped that you could at least be honest, like a friend should be. I would have been perfectly fine with that, if only you had told me.

-Credit to Eva Beans-

http://yesiammyownshrink.blogspot.com/

By the river... On the Snow

Lately I'm feeling so down. Suddenly, I am missing someone. "The someone" is special to me.

We used to be closed. Not only a friend, a good friend.

Now, "the someone" is far away from me. It's not far by distance but far in heart. 

"The someone" is completely changed. I act like I don't care but deeply in my heart I'm missing that person.

There is a water flow down the stream,
There is a snowflake scattered along the walking path,
For me, it only just a river flow and a snow falls,
It couldn't change what I felt,
I want to leave, I want to hide, I want to run,
but my heart is more bitter than a cup a coffee,
The feeling inside me is stronger than a river flow,
I am completely damaged for what i have..
Why I must found you?
Why I must falling for you?
Why I must longing you?
It crumble inside me..no matter how hard I try to hide it,
but it completely come out and I've been longing again,
Now I have to moved along the river,
walk along the scattered snow...
To find the something that missing inside me,
To find the strength that all gone long time ago..
and I keep walking....

The Feelings

I want to run, I want to hide, I want to cry..

The feelings crumble inside me,

The feeling makes me sick,

The feeling makes me feel down,

I'm just only a person .. who can't do everything,

I'm only want to run..

Runaway to the place that people never know me..

Make a brand new start...

Make a new friends..

Begin a new life..

but it only just a feeling that crumble inside me...

It never stop until i try to face it..

I am so tired of being "me"..

I just want to rest of being "me"

but it only just a feeling that crumble inside me...

The world could be made of darker colors,

It seems at the moment

The feeling are weighing me down,

I'm wonder..

That I don't crumble from the burden,

It's not that I give up on life

I just want to be hibernate..

Going into a deeper state of mind,

Where I don't have to think,

and regularly robbed momentarily,

of inner peace by something..

Thought I hope the responsibilities I carry

Shape up a better me..

Sometimes I feel tired,

I just want to hibernate...

I'm blessed to have sensitive heart

that could feel the pain and joy..

more than some others

but when it feel empty... it grips so hard

that I just want to get rid of my guts

because that's where

it can envelops the strongest

I just want to hibernate..

I want to stop breathing

I want to stop thinking

to go back to the purer me

with less guilt and hate

with more innocence

in my heart and my mind

simply add, I JUST WANT TO HIBERNATE....

- credit to Eva Beans-

http://yesiammyownshrink.blogspot.com/